Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Ignoring The Inevitable

I'm trying not to think about when Levi leaves. Except that each day it gets a little closer, and I find it just that much harder to breathe. We do our daily stuff. We go to the park, the library, the grocery store. We do laundry, fix meals...and sometimes even clean up. I try to act normal. And, mostly, I think I do. Heck there are even days (ahem, like today) when I spend the later half wishing bedtime would hurry up.* That's pretty normal, right?

His newest treasure box. In its previous life it held soap. Now I believe it contains a plastic caterpillar.

Then bedtime arrives, and as usual he insists on sleeping with something strange.** The sheep are counted and he falls fast asleep. I linger just a bit. That sweet face makes the cruddy parts of the day fade. I remember instead the way he so gently stroked Sophia's cheek as she was falling asleep, "Oh, sweet baby." he said, "You're so tired."
As I step out of the bedroom to enjoy that coveted me time, I find his treasures all over the house. Little reminders of him scattered about.

One of Levi's treasure boxes.

I'm going to miss that. All of it. Even the annoying parts...okay, maybe not the parts where I end up with bruises...but all of the other stuff...yes.

*I blame it on dragging the kids to two grocery stores and then being whopped in the head with a very heavy toy. That would make any mama ready for bedtime...right?
**There's a plastic caterpillar in the soap box. Doesn't everyone sleep with those?


  1. I can't imagine having to be separated from either of my little guys for that length of time. I pray that it will go by quickly for both of you and that you will find peace and joy in the meantime. *hugs*

  2. If you were trying to make me cry, it worked...I hope the summer goes by fast for you mama!

  3. Aw, you're such a loving mama with two great little ones. I imagine I wouldn't be able to breathe, either, if I knew my kiddo was going to be gone for a while.

  4. I am catching up...is he headed off for a stretch with his bio dad?
    I remember how hard that last long stretch was for you. And you described MANY of my days. There is no shame in the reality of it. They are growing into strong little people who know we love them, regardless of our need for them to sleep and give us peace for a moment!

  5. Nicola, He is. I'm dreading it. At least this time he is older and more verbal. I'm sad, but I'm not so scared as I was last time.

  6. It's the perfect sleeping arrangement for a caterpillar! This just gets funnier and funnier sweet boy. x
    And my heart still aches for you... strength sweet lady.


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