Last but definitely not least we have the ever so wonderful Erin from It's Your Movie to finish us off. She's a mama to two intensely adorable little ones, and she's just announced that a third is on the way! Erin blogs with a genuineness and candidness that is so very endearing. You should definitely head over and give her a huge "Congratulations!!"
It has taken me a long time to write this post. I'm sure Madeline had no idea what a funny subject marriage is for me. I have avoided blogging about my wedding and marriage for a long time, but I feel compelled to tell this story. This is all I know about marriage.
I cannot believe the path I took to get to where I am.
I married my high school sweetheart when I was 20 and he was 22. It's a long story, but we got married for all the wrong reasons and in the wrong way.
Our wedding was in a courtroom on a Wednesday afternoon. I didn't even really do my hair. My mom wasn't there. I wore a $300 floral Nanette Lepore sundress I bought at Nordstrom the day before. I felt important as I was purchasing that dress but nothing like a bride when I was inside of it. My shoes were pinchy and I remember the judge looking a little like he disapproved as he read us our vows. We repeated a few things and signed something. Then we were married. We didn't have wedding rings. We didn't go on a honeymoon. We loved each other but we didn't know what we were doing. I have a lot of regrets in this area.
We weren't very nice to each other or good at being married for the first couple of years. It was confusing. I have regrets in this area too.
It wasn't until three years later when I (tada!) got pregnant with our first baby that we figured it all out and really learned how to be married. No, actually not "to be married" -- to be partners in a marriage. I remember one particular evening during my pregnancy, I went to take my nightly bath and instead of grabbing my well-worn copy of "The Mother of All Pregnancy Books", I grabbed a bible. I read a little but I mostly prayed. I broke down and sobbed and asked for help and forgiveness and a path that made sense. I asked God to show me how to be a wife. It's funny that most women freak out about impending motherhood, but being a mom never worried me. I had a weird innate confidence that I could be a good mom, but I also knew I couldn't truly succeed at motherhood without first learning to be a good wife.
I don't know if I am a "good" wife now or not, but I know that I try really hard. I am very mindful of my job and my commitment to my husband, but I'm not perfect and always wish I could be better. I am and always will be a work in progress.
I do know that I love my husband entirely. We are not exactly the same and it sometimes takes a lot of my patience to balance our personality types, but I think he's the coolest person I know and when I wake up at night and look at him I kind of want to wake him up too so I can hang out with him some more. I miss him when he's at work and I do everything I can to make his day easier. And every single morning when I wake up and head out to the kitchen to give the kids breakfast the sink is empty, the dishwasher is running, and the coffee pot is full. This is his way of saying, "I want to do everything I can to make your day easier" and I can feel it all over as I pour my coffee.
We've been married for almost seven years now and I am thankful every day that this is my life and that he is my husband.
One of these days, we are taking that honeymoon.