The Not So Shiny

I generally stick to the shiny side of life in this little ole' blog of mine...not for the sake of creating an illusion but because I am genuinely happy.  I want to focus on that and express my heartfelt gratitude for this beautiful life.  My life is truly overflowing with love and blessings, but it still has its fair share of rotten stinkin' awful moments (sometimes even days, weeks, months, and years).  One of those (rather prolonged) "moments" has been going on since before this blog began. I almost never talk about it here, so many of you may be a bit surprised.  To be honest, I've been debating whether or not to write this post, and as I write I am still unsure if I'll hit ‘publish’....we'll see.  I know...I know...you're saying "Out with it, already!".  So, out with it I go.

Monday marked the end of a two and a half year long divorce battle...unless of course you count the exceptionally rocky and horrible two years that we (sometimes) lived together in wedded unbliss....that would make it four and a half years.  Oh. my.  (You can say "Congratulations." However weird it sounds, in this case congratulations are most appropriate.)  I do not feel comfortable publishing loads of detail, and really you'd just get tired and confused reading all of it....I get tired and confused just thinking about it.  That aspect of life has been capital C kind of crazy.  I am relieved that it is over.  I didn't know how much I was holding my breath until I was finally able to release it.  Boy, does it feel good to breathe again....really, really good.

I am grateful that this nightmare has ended.  I am grateful that God gave me the strength to see it through and to stand up for myself.  I am grateful for my family and friends...y'all are a true blessing.  I am grateful for the prayers of the people who love and care about me.  I don't regret a single bit of it because in the end happiness came out of sadness...beauty came out of ugliness.  Levi is in my life.  And, that is worth all of it...every last bit.

I know there are other people out there who are going through something similar...maybe not even a divorce but just a really rotten time.  When you're in the midst of a bad situation it can be difficult to see the end, but it is there.  I promise.  It may not be tomorrow or the next day.  It may be two years from now or ten, but it is there.  And, it will come.  Know that you are strong enough to get through the hard times even when you don't feel like it.  We are all "fearfully and wonderfully made" by God.  I am prone to see this more easily in my child than in myself.  But, sometimes, you just have to believe even when you don't see.  You might be surprised by what you find...about yourself, others, and the whole of this beautiful creation.  If you are currently going through troubles, please know that I am praying for you.  And, I don't say that lightly or flippantly.  I really am praying for you.